Get ready for a top joke
There once was a man named Gary who, for reasons known only to him and a duck he once met in a thunderstorm, decided he wanted to live his life entirely by following the instructions on shampoo bottles.
You heard me right, mate. His life philosophy boiled down to three words:
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
He started with his hair. Normal. Then his face. A bit odd. Then his job. Every Monday, he’d burst into the office, aggressively enthusiastic, saying, “I’ve been lathering all weekend!” HR got involved.
By Wednesday, he’d rinse—he’d backtrack all his ideas, emails, and coffee orders. “Sorry about Monday,” he’d say. “Double espresso was too ambitious. I’ll stick with tea.”
Come Friday? Repeat. Same chaos. New lather. He even got a tattoo of the instructions on his arm, right above a poorly drawn rubber duck and a biscuit for some reason.
Now Gary lived alone, which was probably for the best, but he had a cat named Chairman Meow who, while mostly apathetic, judged Gary constantly. Especially when Gary tried to shampoo the curtains.
Gary’s mates tried to intervene. They said, “Gary, mate, this isn’t a way to live. You’re stuck in a loop!”
Gary replied, “Exactly! That’s the point. Life is a loop. I’m just committing properly.”
Inspired, he tried to branch out into other bottle-based wisdom.
He began eating only foods labeled “shake well before use.”
He dated a woman named Sandra purely because her perfume said “for best results, apply daily.”
It ended badly. Turns out Sandra was lactose intolerant, and Gary thought “apply daily” included cheese.
It did not.
One day, he discovered a bubble bath bottle that said:
“Do not consume. If swallowed, seek medical advice.”
Gary saw it not as a warning, but as a challenge.
He downed half a bottle and immediately became the fizziest man in town. Spoke in burps, squeaked when he sat down, and left a slippery trail of regret wherever he went. But he felt cleansed—both spiritually and internally. Possibly permanently.
Eventually, he found a shampoo that changed everything. It read:
“Lather. Rinse. Reflect.”
He paused. “Reflect?”
This was new. This was deep.
So Gary did. He sat in the bath for hours (cold, because he’d forgotten to top it up), thinking about life, choices, and whether cats could smell shame.
He emerged enlightened.
He ditched his rinse-and-repeat routine.
He started writing his own instructions.
His first? “Wake. Stretch. Avoid suspicious ducks.”
Gary became a life coach. Not a good one, but very enthusiastic. His seminars included bubble wands and complimentary loofahs. People left confused but oddly moisturised.
submitted by Zedster
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